Blood is Thicker Than Water

It seems like more and more lately, God is speaking to me about various areas relating to family. It's almost as if all of the little lessons here and there lead back to the act of restoring my family–and really all families. I want to share what God has been teaching me.

There's something that's different about the relationships between family members versus those relationships between friends. We all hear people talk about how "blood is thicker than water" and we accept mentally that even when we don't get along with family, we still have a special bond.

But what about accepting it on a deeper level–on a level that we really feel that truth resonate with our heart and soul? What can we do to make that connection on a heart level?

I see three main actions that can move us into that place of really getting it–even if our families feel divided or not on the same page.

1. LOVE. Love IS the answer. Love never fails. Take off the blinders–whether those blinders are there from your own selfish acceptance of lies from the pit of hell, or from stories passed down or across to you from another family member–take them off and replace them with a lens of LOVE. You'll see that person for all the good that they are as one of God's beautiful creations–they might be a beautiful mess, but they are His nonetheless.

2. HONOR/RESPECT. I believe honoring or respecting someone even when they seem not to deserve it can turn a hard situation into an amazing pivotal moment. I believe honor received turns into strength. So many people make choices for themselves out of a place of shame. Shame makes us hide things. Shame impairs our ability to communicate well. Honor says, "none of that matters to me and I want to know you more." Honor lets someone feel safe to open up and stronger than their demons. It empowers them to overcome shame, and in turn nurtures the ability to give honor and respect back to you and others.

3. FORGIVENESS. Don't just "let it go," but actually pray a prayer of forgiveness. It can sometimes come across as an accusation if we approach someone and tell them we forgive them for such-and-such–especially if there's a disagreement over who was wrong. If someone is apologizing, then I think it's important to tell them that you accept that apology and that you forgive them. If they aren't apologizing or it's over something you have held against them for years, it might be better to start with telling God you forgive them. Pray about whether you should have a conversation and ask God to show you the right moment and give you the right words. You could end up pleasantly surprised with an apology from them before you even bring it up. When we forgive others, we do something that's hard to comprehend. I think it's something like opening the door of a cage. God can get His hands on the situation when we allow Him to by forgiving others.

Obviously these three actions can be keys to resolving conflicts and restoring relationships of any kind. Love, honor, and forgiveness go such a long way above discord and differences of opinion. Set your family on the foundation of the truth of the Word of God by applying biblical principles to every interaction (difficult or pleasant) and watch miraculous things happen.

Family is our roots–restore those relationships so that you have that solid platform to build a good life on. It's important to stand on the foundation of family (and family on the foundation of Truth) in order to fortify every other goal and dream in life–we can't do it alone. In fact, even after I wrote this blog Friday night, I attended a graduation ceremony at Baylor University Saturday morning, and one of the speakers reminded the law students of that fact–they didn't get here on their own, and it's important to recognize that we need family.

Do you have a family member you clash with? How do you deal with family conflicts?

More on Tradition

Saturday, the week before Thanksgiving, I had the opportunity to be a part of a historical moment in college football history. If you have ever been to Kyle Field in College Station, TX for a Fightin’ Texas Aggie football game, you know that the crowd can really get loud! This week was especially mind-blowing though, because they broke an all-time record for student attendance to a college ball game--there were 31,005 students! The overall attendance topped 91,000 people, which is definitely the largest crowd of any kind that I have personally been a part of.

The Texas A&M Aggies hosted the Nebraska Cornhuskers, and the game was high-energy the entire time, even though neither team scored a single touchdown. The fans kept the volume high, and the Aggie football players pumped the crowd for more after almost every single play. The defensive lines for both teams were really rockin’ this day--the only points scored were the extra points on the oh-so-close fourth downs. It was a great game! Ags pulled off the win, 9-6. Awesome!

I’m so glad that I was not only able to watch this game, but to be immersed in the Aggie culture. You may or may not know that Aggies are very...unique. First of all, they have “yell leaders”, not cheerleaders. These men with military haircuts wearing solid white uniforms run back and forth along the stands, using various hand signals to lead the fans in a variety of cadence-type yells. It seems that everyone knows exactly what to do, and are right on cue every time. When quarters end, the entire stadium is full of people rocking back and forth, singing in unison. Most fans have a small white towel that they swing around in a circular motion almost constantly as they do the yells. With that many people swinging a towel around, from a distance, it looked like confetti wiggling all over the stadium! After the win, the entire student section plus some others swarmed the field. It was really a sight to see!

There are still so many other traditions that the Aggies have carried on throughout the years, and as I reflect on them all, it has caused me to realize how much weight these long-practiced customs actually have. Traditions are more than just things we do because they’re “what we’ve always done”. That phrase has really never meant much to me anyway because I am such a logical thinker. I can’t justify doing something just because it’s what we’ve always done. As I ponder the Aggie traditions, I see some things that spark a new desire in me to uphold traditions of my own in other aspects of life.

We continue traditions because they honor those that paved the road for us. What makes a tradition special is its ability to transcend time, but only as long as the ones that carry it never set it down. It must be passed from generation to generation, but even when you pass a tradition on, it stays with you, too. It’s as if it has a way of stretching indefinitely, but never wearing thin. In the same sense, it can increase in richness and expand in complexity, yet never become a burden to those that hold it. A tradition honors any man or woman who ever had a hand in carrying it on because it actively shows others that the original intentions, purposes, and goals of those it represents were worth noting then, now, and always.

I am realizing that traditions are not only crucial to our future, but are the very thing that give humanity the cohesion required to endure all forms and levels of hardships. Without traditions, we lose touch with the generations that went before us. The original intentions, purposes, and goals become a faded memory to one generation, and then complete unknowns to the next. Without traditions, we can quickly lose sight of why we do the things we do, why we fight for what we fight for, and why we love who we love.

Some would argue that traditions can become a meaningless, mindless, religious, routine. They might say something about how times change, and so should we. They may say that we have to adapt to the evolving world around us, but I am convinced that even in an ever-changing environment, we must still have some constants. It’s not simply that we are afraid of change--it’s about upholding honor for those that cleared the path for change!

Let’s look at the family unit, and remember how family traditions make us feel. Most loving (and fighting) families have a tradition to get together for a special meal at Thanksgiving or Christmas. If for one reason or another something interferes with that tradition, even a dysfunctional family feels a sense of loss. Why? I believe that when we honor a tradition even as common as a Thanksgiving meal, we honor each other. Our actions speak a message of love, and also give value to the purpose of the older generations. Without that tradition, the honor that once flourished, now wilts in the heat of whatever that interference may be. It could be uncontrollable circumstances such as a death in the family, a new job, or that someone moved far away. In these cases, it certainly brings on feelings of disappointment, but sometimes interference with our favorite traditions comes in the form of a careless, forgetful moment. If we forget the objectives of those generations that went before us, we may decide that it doesn’t matter if we carry out the traditions that they started. As long as we can remember and honor previous generations, we will always have a solid foundation to build a new thing upon.

I’d like to point out these same principles as they apply to the church-going experience. Some parts of the Body want to modify the culture around Christianity to “change with the times” and “stay current with the culture,” while others feel like any deviation from the old model of “church” is sinful. If traditions are a way we can honor the previous generation, then we should certainly keep them and remember that our elders made it possible for us to be innovative in our approach to gathering with other believers. We must keep the original intent and purpose of gathering (to interact with, share and support other believers) and I believe that continuing some traditions is the way that we honor and keep our predecessors’ goals on the forefront of our minds. We can build a new thing upon this core foundation that was set in the past, and still have the freedom to be who we are. We don’t have to be stuck in a religious rut, but we should still carry on the traditions of old.

I’m asking myself, “Why do so many people these days feel like that going to church is a waste of time and an empty experience?” Could it be because many of the churches out there are afraid to allow some innovation to be stacked onto their tradition? Or on the other hand, is it possibly that they have only conformed to the culture of the day and let the traditions that honor the previous generation fade?

I think the Aggies have the answers to these questions--whether they be asked about the family, the church, or any other unified group. It’s not just about belonging to a “group”. It’s about surviving every hardship we could ever face as God’s creation.

Honor those that paved the way by upholding their traditions of old and by building a new, innovative tradition upon that solid foundation. We need each other. We need all generations working together so we can endure and prevail against anything!

A New Family Tradition

As a member of a web design team, I’m fortunate enough to have a job that offers an unimaginable array of colorful varieties of both people and causes. One of the latest websites we have created has an especially unique call to action. Because of Tom McQueen’s Legacy Nation USA (www.legacynationusa.com), I’ve been inspired to start a new family tradition.

Tom McQueen is the author of Letters to Ethan: A Grandfather’s Legacy of Life and Love. You’d think this is where I’d plug the book (available November 1st), but the truth is that I haven’t read it. It should also be noted that although I plan to read it, the website reveals the heart of the author, the purpose of the book, and the inspiration to leave a legacy for your loved ones.

Letters to Ethan is the product of a father’s love and commitment to a tradition to first his son, then to his grandson. Tom shares how he began the tradition of writing letters to his son over the course of his life. He saved these letters for all of those years, and then presented them to his son on his wedding day. What a gift! Now, he is dedicated to writing similar letters to his grandson, Ethan. Tom writes about a father’s love and wisdom attained by learning from his own mistakes.

When I think about the determination and patience that is required in order to present a gift of this value, I really find it a challenge to commit to leaving this same type of legacy for the little ones in my life. I am not yet a mother, but I am a very proud auntie. I often think about how different the culture here in America will be by the time my niece and nephew are adults. Everything certainly does change quickly, but I also know that every generation always has the ability to leave a mark on society. Just as I have gleaned and will glean much knowledge, wisdom, moral values, traditions, and so much more from the generation that has walked before me, so will it be for the next generation from my own.

This poses a stark question: Am I living in such a way that will positively affect the future?

I have examined myself, and I feel like I can answer that question by saying, “yes”, but I still will always be looking to choose paths that lead me to better ways to make that ‘yes’ an emphatic one. Legacy Nation USA has motivated me to leave my mark in a new way, and hopefully in a way that will survive the storms of the ever-evolving culture that we live in. I don’t want the fickle culture to shape who my kids become--I want to give them a solid foundation for building their goals upon.

I’ve decided to start writing letters to both my eight-year-old niece and my two-year-old nephew, and when I have children of my own, I hope to continue this tradition. I think I will save them and give these gifts at their high school graduations. It may be that I don’t feel like I have the stamina to wait until they marry, but I also am remembering how quickly life changed after high school. I think that during that time, I would have loved to have had some written words of love and wisdom from the adults in my life. Some understanding only comes when it is birthed out of life-experiences. Not only would letters like these be insightful, but they could definitely strengthen relationships. When light falls on a dark path, fear has no ground to stand on. If we can bring another person some understanding in the midst of a hard situation, we can really empower them to rise above the odds and overcome. That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave for the next generation.

I challenge you to begin writing letters to the young people in your life. Give them something to hold in their hands--a written legacy of your life and your love for them. Inspire greatness for the future of those you love, and for the future of this great nation!